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Mere rubaru, Tu hi tu, Tu hi tu, Mere rubaru, Tu hi tu

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I never used to be a TV person. I was more of a ‘radio’ and ‘internet’ person. So, basicallly, I learn all that is there to learn either from radio or from the internet, maybe it was because I believed TV took up too much of my ‘senses attention’, if you know what I mean.

I got to watch with my eyes, listen with my ears, feel the emotions been displayed, ‘pretend to perceive the aroma’ of the food been cooked, etc. It was too much of a bother for me. I also believed it stifled my creativity. So, I generally stayed away from TV.

On radio, I could supply the imagery, on the internet, I could provide the sound and the motion pictures, so listening to radio and reading articles on the internet, made me a ‘co-producer’ in many productions but TV gave me no such liberty, everything was prepared and fed to me!

So, one day, I went to the salon to install my hair and my stylist introduced me to Zeeworld.

Before now, I used to listen rather amusingly to how the males would taunt the females on their addiction to Zeeworld. In a way, I was grateful that I hadn’t been bitten by the Zeeworld bug and I wondered what ‘Zeeworld’ meant.

Fast forward to been shown some ‘Zeeworld pictures’ by my stylist! I was enamored! What attracted me?

The Colours! The motion pictures, so clear, so sharp and all the colourful make up and accessories! I was instantly smitten.

So, I returned home that evening and made up my mind to start watching Zeeworld. So, I started marking my attendance before the TV. initially only at 8p.m. , later I graduated to 6 p.m. to 11p.m.

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Why?

For one, the pictures were quite colourful. Another reason was that; the dialogues were ‘very clean’. You could not hear ‘Swear words’, ‘vulgar language’, ‘suggestive words’, and basically most of dramas are about Love, how I love Love!

So, I just believed I had found my forte.

After a while of watching Zeeworld, I was a little disappointed and tweeted at Zeeworld, that; can they please minimize the way; “the ladies would fall, be caught and then share an eyelock” as this was getting rather boring and uninteresting.

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I was a newbie! I never knew that these moments were the actual ‘icing on the cake’ on these Indian TV dramas.

It did not take long to realize that; all I had to do was; ‘watch one to watch all’, it was a winner-takes-all kind of model because, what happens in all the soaps can be summarised as follows.

In every Indian Soap, there must be;

• there are two main Characters, like two main leads
• a villain
• supporting actors who just seem to be never-ending with new scenes and episodes been added that adds little or nothing to the main story
• a complicated love story
• divorce
• accident
• memory loss
• accident
• plenty of disguise
• fighting
• a secret
• unrequited love
• child custody battle
• betrayal
• a gossip
• an investigator
• murder
• soliloquy
• unending flashbacks
• a random stranger that gives a random advice that reminds the actor of his pain and in the craziest scenarios; the actor becomes two, simulating; “the good and bad parts of the Human mind” Chai!
• police and jail
• hospital
• the Chief of all; ‘fixing of alliances’ and marriage
• Elopement
• A Grandmother
• Kidnapping
• Reincarnation
• The superstitions
• the ceremonies

In your mind, you are like; “what else should the contents in a drama be?” The thing is; each one has all or 98% of this. So, after been a fan of Zeeworld for just about 5 months, I can successfully write a 400-episode soap too.

The stories are oh so predictable!That oftentimes I wonder why I bothered watching.

The scenes

1. The woman is fixing flowers (as decorations for a wedding) using a ladder around the house, then she falls (off), not off but into the arms of the man she has been tripping for or that has been tripping for her, he catches her, then they both share an eyelock. They stare for so long into each other’s eyes, you think they will kiss, then they take their eyes away from each other and say sorry.

2. Then, comes the young couple who have decided to have a ‘love marriage’

The ‘uninitiated’ will never understand this. Most marriages in India are fixed, but with exposure, the ‘Indian girls and boys’ have started choosing to marry people they fall in love with. So, the guy will be trying to ‘romance’ the girl and the girl will say rather ‘shyly’. “Stop! someone might see! What if someone sees us?” Then, the guy will be like; “What if they see us? we are going to be married soon”. Then the girl will hit the guy and run away”. looool

Multiply this scene by 300! You get to see this close to 300 times! I kid you not!

3. The little Child that seems to know everything or knows how to solve every problem and seems to be smarter than even the adults.

The child actors are fire! by the way

4. The one person who will lose their memory, permitting the story to be stretched and the introduction of new characters

5. The Villain who is most likely always a family member and won’t even mind selling their own child for money

6. The Perfect husband who would go to any extent to ensure his wife is okay

7. The couple who died, were reborn and still came back older than the child that was born before they both died, meet again and remember their ‘past lives’ and then hook up again!

8. The ceremonies; Diwali (festival of lights), Holi (festival of colours), Karva Chauth festival (fast kept by married women to ensure their spouses’ long lives.

9. The elaborate wedding ceremony

• selection of an ‘auspicious’ date
• Sangeet
• Mehendi
• The wedding itself(an elaborate rite in itself)

10. The clueless kidnappers cum terrorists who the kidnapped always seem to be smarter than…

oya, add your own

LESSONS

1. Drama can be done just for the sake of having drama. You don’t need sexually explicit scenes to enjoy drama
2. Drama could be such that; it can be enjoyed by the entire family
3. There are still plenty of simple-minded people living in this world
4. 98% of Indian girls marry as Virgins
5. Many Indians are Vegetarians

VOCABULARY

1. Saas
2. Bahu
3. Jamai
4. Pyaar
5. Holi
6. Diwali
7. Sangeet
8. Roti

Thanks for keeping me company @Bollywood